Some say laughter is the best medicine, so, on Sundays, we post some jokes to hopefully brighten your day. – Editorial Team
Today, we tackle politics.
In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep
with President Clinton?" 86% replied, "Not again"
This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells,
"Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat
on my front porch and he's playing with himself."
"What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on my
front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and
I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.
"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"
"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing
somebody!"
THE LAND OF OZ (Oldie but goodie)
Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car
together in the Midwest, when suddenly a tornado comes along and
whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away.
When they come down and pull themselves from the vehicle, they realize
they're in the land of OZ. Naturally, they decide to go to see the
Wizard of OZ.
Says Quayle, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain." Says Gingrich,
"I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart." Clinton says, "Where's
Dorothy?"
I don't think this whole White House scandal is good for
parents. I caught my six year old son David in a lie, and he
said we could discuss it tonight in a "National Town Meeting."
A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in
Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in
the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she
started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top,she
encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.
In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the
ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In
considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor.
He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining
room and he would see if he could help her.She sat and waited
for three hours before the doctor reappeared.
The angry lady demanded " What took you so long?" and he
replied "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental
Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land
Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a
recreational area."
A young, ruthless executive died and went to hell. When he got there,
he saw one sign that said Capitalist Hell, and another that said
Socialist Hell. In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long
line, while there was no-one in front of the Capitalist Hell. So the
executive asked the guard, "What do they do to you in Socialist Hell?"
"They boil you in oil, whip you, and then put you on the rack," the
guard replied.
"And what do they do to you in Capitalist Hell?"
"The same exact thing," the guard answered.
"Then why is everybody in line for Socialist Hell?"
"Because in Socialist Hell, they're always out of oil, whips, and racks!"
Why is the government like a prostitute? Your always getting screwed and you have to pay for it!
A doctor, an engineer, and a politician were
arguing as to which profession was older.
"Well," argued the doctor, "without a
physician mankind could not have survived, so I am
sure that mine is the oldest profession."
"No," said the engineer, "before life began
there was complete chaos, and it took an engineer
to create some semblance of order from this chaos.
So engineering is older."
"But," chirped the triumphant politician,
"who created the chaos?"
A political man to a woman, "You look beautiful today!!!!"
The woman replied, "Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you."
"Sure you could!!" said the political man, "if you could lie as well as I do!"
Source: Jokes2Go